Perhaps you have listened to the final podcast episode of the “Guided Reflections for Healthcare Heroes: Finding Your True Identity”. Perhaps not? Listen to it now!
Little behind the scenes fun fact: I wrote that with my own insecurities in mind and cried my way through writing the script.
Why?
On October 2, 2020 I was 9 months pregnant and saying goodbye to my dream job before I said hello to my second precious son. I was certain in my decision and my husband and I felt confident that staying home for a time made the most sense for our family for a myriad of reasons. Let me also say this: having the option to stay home was a humbling, incredible gift. I recognize that many people never have that choice.
The months that followed were the most joyful and disorienting. It was all wrapped into one emotional ball.
I would vacillate between being so humbled and grateful for all the baby cuddles and play sessions to then feeling a lack of purpose and felt even feelings of shame with my decision to stay home. Doing dishes, laundry, and feedings on repeat lacked the same meaning as providing support for port accesses, engaging families in legacy making, and creating therapeutic activities to aid in a child’s coping.
I longed to have a need to put on makeup and change out of my sweats, drop the kids off at childcare, and have adult conversations…heavy conversations that required me to step into another realm of hard with others.
It seems the common question to ask when meeting someone new is, “What do you do?” Truthfully, whenever I would meet a stay at home mom years ago, I was never quite sure what question to follow that up with…“What…do you like to do during nap times?” Um…“What do you play with every day with your kid for hours on end?”
But when I would have the chance to brag about my job being a child life specialist, I loved every opportunity to share about this incredibly meaningful work and was hit with waves of interested follow up questions.
Now, I was “just” at home, and felt insignificant, unappreciated, and uninteresting.
I have learned it’s okay to want to do other things outside of the home. That isn’t a bad thing. That does not for a second discredit my love for being a mother at all. Creative outlets are necessary for me and aren’t something I should try to deny or push away.
But I am also learning to be okay with sitting in this season with not having a job or a title…a season that is already going by wayyyy too fast with my precious little ones and will be gone in the blink of an eye.
So, in summary, here are a few things I am learning:
1. Choose gratitude and joy each day, no matter the season.
You may not love the season you are in (even when I was a child life specialist, there were certainly times when I longed to be home or anywhere else! Contentment is a difficult thing to grasp). So, no matter if you are a tired stay at home parent, a discouraged child life student, or a burned out professional, you have control to choose joy for today and for being in the season you are in, even while wanting to pivot. Look for the small things to be grateful for. Don’t wish this season away. Press in and ask how might this season grow you?
2. There will ALWAYS be an opportunity to do child life, even outside of hospital walls.
Whether that be doing a therapeutic activity with my son about his nightmares, visiting a friend to provide preparation for her son’s doctor appointment, sitting with people who are grieving…truly not a week has gone by where my passions and skills for child life haven’t been utilized. Your vocations live inside AND outside the hospital walls. How can you use your skills and passions to care for others beyond where you work?
3. Your identity and worth are not contingent on job titles, admiration of others, successes or failures.
Certainly being a child life specialist and empowering children and families in the hospital brought me so much joy. And certainly getting on the floor and playing with my boys brings me even more joy. Yet, what is at the heart of all of that joy? What gives my life purpose?
I can tell you that the respect of others, the job title, or the mundane tasks are not the sole source of my purpose, worth, or identity. Whether I am picking up Legos for the millionth time or in the hospital room holding a child’s hand through a trauma, these actions are only byproducts of my identity, worth, and purpose…one that is an imperfect masterpiece.
Remember this and keep saying it on repeat: