Scenario #1– The manager of pediatrics comes to you and says that the team thinks you would be a great fit to put on a Halloween party for the entire hospital—adult units included. He then details that you will be solely responsible for purchasing patient costumes, orchestrating a hospital wide trick-or-treat, and communicating with news outlets to gain hospital publicity. You reluctantly accept because the hospital is depending on you.
Scenario #2– You have already reviewed a coping plan with a nervous patient for their IV start which included the assurance of using a J-tip. When you tell the nurse of the plan, she immediately disagrees and says, “No way. I have heard that J-tip can blow the vein. I absolutely do not feel comfortable with that.” In order to avoid questioning the nurse’s misconception and to help her feel comfortable, you agree, even if that means the patient’s preference was not honored. You would rather not jeopardize your relationship with this nurse.
Scenario #3– A patient’s parents consistently sing your praises of how you are “the only child life specialist in the whole hospital who can best support our son. No other child life specialist has this sort of special connection with him.” When they find out that their son now needs a quick CT scan, they beg you to come along…even though there is a radiology child life specialist ready and able to support the patient during his scan. You overrule this delegation of services so as to not create tension or distrust with this particular family. Plus, their love for you feels so affirming!
Question: What do these three scenarios have in common?
Answer: Allowing child life services to revolve around people pleasing.
In essence though, that is what child life specialists do though, right? We please people! We can help transform a scary and negative hospitalization into an empowering and positive one. We can bring out smiles and laughter following a painful procedure…maybe even DURING the procedure. Child life specialists are oftentimes responsible in helping boost patient satisfaction scores and improving patient experiences. I think it is pretty safe to say that most oftentimes, people like child life quite a bit!
“When we use integrity and compassionate care to guide how we interact and respond, we can leave with confidence that we have done all that we can do…”
However, speaking from my own personal experience (those scenarios are not fiction!): I can care way too much about what people think of me, to the point that I can be prone to neglecting important responsibilities and priorities. How can I be mindful to not allow my strong desire to be accepted and affirmed by others compromise my practice and integrity as a child life specialist and advocate for best practice and patients?
When faced with the draw to seek the approval of others, here are some questions I try to use to check my intentions:
- What is the goal?Always a great question I go back to. Is the goal that this nurse likes me? Or is the goal that I advocate for the patient to have a J-Tip?
- Is this my child life scope?Am I trained in event planning for adult patients? How should my time best be utilized to ensure I am still able to meet the clinical needs during holiday season?
- Whose needs are being met? Am I responding to this need because I want to feel better about myself or is it because I have assessed what the patient needs? What empowers the patient to practice coping on their own and not being dependent on me? It feels great to be needed, but is that a sustainable coping tool (or crutch) for the patient? Is it really going to help him build trust with other child life specialists and others if I continue to follow him wherever he goes in the hospital and block out other supportive figures?
- How can I seek unity and compromise?How can I still support a fun and festive Halloween for the pediatric unit in a way that is manageable and within my scope? How can I supportively educate and encourage the nurse to use a J-tip or suggest a nurse come to support her? How can I help ease the transition between specialists to help a nervous patient connect with a new face?
And at the end of the day, something that is important to remember is that we cannot please everybody. There may be times when we disappoint someone, maybe because we knew we had to set a boundary and say “no” or maybe because we are human and made a mistake. But when we use integrity and compassionate care to guide how we interact and respond, we can leave with confidence that we have done all that we can do and that we continue to remain confident in what is in our circle of control.