This guest blog post is written by my wonderful husband, Ethan Jones who has faithfully supported me on my journey with child life since the very beginning. He has been my #1 supporter and encourager, and I am so grateful he gets to use this platform to share his wisdom with all of you! I encourage you to share this with your own family members, friends, and significant others to give more insight of how they can care well for you as you continue to embark on your own child life journey.
This blog is for two groups of people.
First, the child life specialist, or aspiring CCLS, should read for the reminder that their career is VERY unique. If there is one thing I have learned about Child Life, it is that one must not forget that a CCLS experiences some of the highest workplace highs and the lowest workplace lows.
Second, this blog is written to significant others (SOs), and not just spouses or people in a relationship-but also for friends and family of a CCLS. Whether you have been married to a CCLS for 40 years, or are friends with a child life student, I want to share some simple advice I have gathered over the last six years. You see, I am a CCLSSO – Certified Child Life Specialist Significant Other! Here is my CCLSSO story, and four ways I have learned to walk alongside a CCLS.
#1 – Love and Respect them as a person
I first heard the phrase “child life”, when I met Allie on a blind date (she truly has been my child life teacher since day one!). So, as I learned more about my future wife, I also learned more about her passion for child life. As I grew to love and respect her, I grew to love and respect her career path too.
And, this brings me to my first point, which undergirds all my other points – if you want to care for a CCLS well, you need to have a foundation of respect and love for them as a person. Meaning, they need to know that you CHOOSE to love and respect them no matter what. No one is solely defined by his or her work, and child life specialists need to be reminded that their worth is not defined by how well a 3-year-old copes with an IV start. Your beloved CCLS will have difficult days, and you need to first and foremost choose to love and respect them as your friend, spouse, or family member. This foundation of love and respect is not based on emotion, it is based on commitment.
This love and respect proved critical for Allie and I since one of our earliest relationship challenges was navigating the mysterious child life practicum and internship that she needed to complete. We knew we wanted to be together, but with applications sent off nationwide, we had no idea where Allie would go. Thankfully, we had our commitment to one another to lean on during these muddled times.
“My role is not to fix Allie’s burden…instead, my role is to love her, listen to her, and just be with her.”
#2 – Be Curious About Their Profession
A key moment of caring for Allie as a CCLS came when she was preparing for the child life exam. As the exam approached, studying became a daily reality for the both of us. And, I had a choice: do I be curious about what she was going through, or do I just watch from afar?
Thankfully, Allie was open to me sharing in the process with her. My curiosity about her studying led to doing flashcards together and eventually led to me learning A LOT about child life. My curiosity was a clear sign to Allie that I respected her work, and was willing to sacrifice my time and energy to support her. Whether your CCLS is chatty or private, curiosity communicates admiration, support, value and interest in who they are.
#3 – Listen, Listen, Listen
Curiosity naturally leads to questions, and questions naturally lead to responses. Listening to these responses is essential in caring well for a CCLS. Why is listening so uniquely important to supporting someone in child life? Since they primarily work with children in a medical setting, every day is filled with potential high-intensity situations. From crying parents to traumatized children, child life specialists have to engage some of the most heartbreaking moments in a person’s life. “Psycho-social needs” might be a simple phrase on a job description, but it is a monumental task that I deeply respect.
So, CCLSSOs, always remember that listening to a CCLS in the aftermath of their work is an honor. Be a safe space. Sit on the couch longer than you would like. Put your phone down and help the CCLS feel known, and if you are lucky, help them feel refreshed.
#4 – Rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn
Some days Allie brings home the sweetest stories; moments so wonderful that I get goosebumps. I smile and laugh with her. I take joy in knowing that a patient laughed through a procedure rather than cried. I celebrate with each slice of good news. When your SO’s hard work pays off, or things just go unusually well, fan the happiness flame!
Then, there are the other days…the darker days where the stories feel absent of hope. Moments more bleak and painful than I have ever personally experienced. I feel so burdened for both Allie and her patients.
However, in both scenarios, the critical role I can play is that of empathizer. Showing empathy and responding accordingly shows a willingness to participate – a readiness to go where the other person has already gone. Then, just be there with them. Some call this the “ministry of presence.” My role is not to fix Allie’s burden—how can I? Instead, my role is to love her, listen to her, and just be with her, even if that means sitting in silence or eating a ton of Chick-fil-A following a hard day.
In conclusion, I can say with 100% confidence that I am not always a great CCLSSO. In fact, sometimes I absolutely stink at all four of these recommendations. But Allie and I are learning together what support and caring for each other needs to look like. And I hope that some of you will benefit from these insights.