I had just held the hand of a dying 10 year-old boy. I hugged his sobbing mother. I whispered encouragement to his twin brother.
I returned to my office after providing bereavement support, utterly heartbroken as my tears began to flow.
My child life phone rang.
“Allie,” the nurse spoke with a very sharp tone. “Where are you? We have a kid here who is bothering us for a red crayon. Can you bring one or not?”
Com-part-men-tal-ize. Verb. “To divide into sections or categories.”
Compartment #1- a beloved 10 year-old boy is dying.
Compartment #2- I don’t even know how to process this unimaginable and horrible situation. I am grieving as the professional.
Compartment #3- Another patient needs a red crayon. Now.
Psychology defines “compartmentalization” as a defense mechanism, which can appear to have a more negative connotation. However, I would argue that in the field of child life, compartmentalization is a coping tool we use to benefit, support and protect the patients, families and staff we care for. In many ways, compartmentalization as a child life specialist isn’t just for our own well-being, it is for those around us. Compartmentalization creates necessary boundaries for us and for others.
If I bring the red crayon to this well-meaning, artistic patient and then begin crying to him about how I just said goodbye to a dying patient, then whose needs are being met?
If I address the abrasive nurse who called me and vent about how she “doesn’t even understand the morning I have been through”, then am I accomplishing a goal of seeking unity and professional partnership with her?
Prioritizing the immediate task at hand and being able to isolate each need from one another are important skills a child life specialists must have. It can be very difficult to take a breath following a bereavement and move to the next need with a gracious smile and commitment to put that next patient and family first.
Ryan Blair, a successful CEO of ViSalus and a New York Times bestselling author, writes a helpful visual for compartmentalization:
“pretend as if everything you’re dealing with in your life is a room where you have to walk in and solve an equation on a white board. You have a countdown clock with less than an hour to get the problem solved, or take a single step in the right direction, and then shut the door and go into another room equally as important. You spend your entire life going from compartment to compartment.”
The visual of the rooms Ryan describes can be a pretty accurate description of a job for child life specialists, right? Room 11 is getting stitches. Room 14 just got diagnosed with diabetes. Room 20 is screaming and extremely anxious for surgery. And Room 22 just wants a crayon.
And then there are those other rooms we face: Your roommate left the dirty dishes in the sink for the 15 thousandth time, there were 3 freight trains in a row on your way to work, you spilled coffee on your favorite pair of pants, your car died, your parents are fighting and on the brink of divorce, your child has an unexplained fever again, you found out graduate school put you in debt a lot more than you expected to be, a loved one died, a relationship failed etc. etc. etc. There can be so many rooms that we enter moments before we come to work and then, must shut the door as we walk into work and treat those around us with gentleness, care and respect.
Depending on what room(s) you are shutting the door on in order to be the best child life specialist for your coworkers, patients and families, that can feel like an incredibly difficult thing to do.
Here are a few compartmentalization steps to consider:
- Focus on the needs of others, have grace for them and put their needs first. Remember that people don’t know what professional or personal struggles you are going through. But the expectation to be an excellent professional for them is still the same.
- Recognize that you only have so much time and so many compartments to fill. Say “no” to things that are not important of taking up the space and time of another compartment. Then, take time to breath and prioritize what compartment you need to focus on first.
- And when you do focus on that compartment, give it your all. Be fully present.
- Make sure you “unpack” your compartments at appropriate times. Don’t pretend they don’t exist. Compartmentalize, but don’t push out.
- Whose in the hallway with you as you enter and close each door? Compartmentalization can take a toll. Use your coworkers, trusted family or friends to help you process a door you will open or shut so that you can continue on to the next one.
Continue to ask yourself, “what is the goal?” and “whose needs are being met?” as you open, focus, close and maybe even later re-visit each compartment.